In November of 2007, now over two full years ago, I wrote a mildy humorous bit about how once the ice age started, fat people would rule the earth as the skinny would be too cold to rule. You can read it by clicking here. I’ll paste it for those who aren’t inclined to click:
People are MEAN to fat people. We’re just preparing for the ice age that everyone’s talking about. Some people are afraid. You know who’s afraid? Skinny people. All that global warming stuff will make it real cold and all you skinny-minny’s will be DONE and we fat folks will rule the roost! How’s that diet going now? Soon fat people will be writing diet books for skinny people. How’s about that for a change? I’m already working on my ice age cookbook called 5 Ways to Last the Winter Season without Eating Your Neighbors. Of course, at that point winter will be the ONLY season so it will sell year round. Hurray for marketing genius! Goodbye stick figures, hello oblong figures! So everyone, when you get home tonight, draw a picture of a stick figure and run to the nearest mirror. If you see any resemblance to the picture in your hand I am talking to you.
OK, so clearly, this “piece” was written with tongue firmly placed in cheek, as large people are already the superior breed – but I digress. That this was meant in a snarky, off-the-cuff, silly blurb about total nonsense that I thought might be enjoyable for others to read, should have been rather obvious.
In over two full years, nobody commented on it. Curiously, it’s gotten many, many hits due to the shocking number of times a day that people Google “fat people”. As to why that is, I leave it to someone else to determine. If you ask me, jealousy is the most likely culprit.
Last week, something totally unexpected happened. As one who writes on the internet, comments are important and tell you what people think of your writing. Even if someone vehemently disagrees with you, feedback is fun and can be really informative.
I got an email that a comment had come through, and was waiting for moderation. I clicked, hoping that someone had an opinion regarding something I’d taken the time to write and post. When I started reading, a chuckle escaped from my mouth. By the time I finished reading, I was laughing out loud, and felt kind of confused/sad at the same time. The comment, courtesy of “Savannaq” goes as follows:
OMG you are just a fat person that probaly took months to talk to your self and make yourself belive that this iss true. you made an excuse to make yourself feel bette about your fattness!! get over your self, skinny people are better than fat, tub o lard people!!
OK, I’ve got a number of things to remark about this, so I’ve numbered them.
1. Note approximately ten errors, between punctuation, capitalization, spelling, et cetera, in just two lines. Please note the ‘tub o lard’ usage; are we to assume that this person did this intentionally in an attempt to make use of a cheekier choice of words?
2. Can we try to pin an age on this unknown person? Does the writing suggest a teenager? I can hardly picture someone with more than a tenth-grade education writing this and clicking send without being horrified at his or her self. Could this person have written this poorly because they were in an unprecedented rush? Did they just NEED to comment before they went out to fight a forest fire? Vote on a health care plan? Join Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee on their next epic journey? I think not.
3. How did this person read this and come away with the impression that…
a) I believe an ice age is going to occur in the first place
b) an ice age would be beneficial for fat people
c) a group of “fatties” gets together regularly and plots this amazing coup while the lighter humans are busy shivering in a corner
d) that this would make us feel better about ourselves
e) book sales would be on our minds when the temperature is similar to that of the interior of a glacier
f) this could actually be real in any meaningful way
A big part of me wants to meet this “Savannaq” individual and see what he/she is like. The kicker of all this is that the IP the comment was made from traces to the West Virginia Department of Education in Charleston! Draw whatever conclusions you prefer from that.