The last bite

You sit down to eat something. Something delicious. As the bowl/plate nears empty, you stake out which bite you’ll save for last. This bite becomes something vital, something that you choose most carefully, because it will leave the best flavor of this fabulous food for last, leaving you with only the warmest of thoughts about your meal.

When executed properly, this final bite is savored and eaten more slowly than all others. You may notice people eating nearby coveting this final piece, and sometimes it must be defended from roaming forks, spouses, or both.

Sometimes you are doing something else while you are eating, and your know that your focus on your food is wavering. To avoid this disaster just waiting to happen, one should separate said bite from all of the others.

Upon occasion, despite all measures designed to ensure protection of the final bite’s savory succulence, the bite may be stolen from your grasp by a nearby “friend” or “spouse”.

The first reaction is denial. YOU WHAT? No, seriously. You didn’t just take my last bite. I KNOW you didn’t. It just can’t be.

Next, rage settles in. With gritted teeth and fire in your eyes, you manage to say things like, Do you have ANY idea how long I’ve been saving that bite? I had my eye on that very morsel while it was still on the waiter’s arm! At this point, have all sharp objects removed to avoid a direct attack upon the perpetrator of this most abhorrent act.

Finally, despair and despondency set in. Once that last bite has been consumed, little can be said or done to repair the situation. Apologies fall upon deaf ears and the meal (and most likely your day), is ruined. The pharmaceutical companies remain diligent on finding a remedy, but it is still currently regarded as a largely hopeless situation.

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